Light at the End of the tunnel.

After weeks of being horribly sick and two doctor visits later, I'm finally starting to feel better.  Holy Smokes the world is a different place when you are run down and surrounded by tissues.  Sadly, I was only able to keep my girl good and healthy through doctor's visit number one... poor thing.   But I think we've turned the corner and are looking to be a happy, healthy family very soon.

Saturday we went to Benjamin Moore and bought some wonderful earth friendly, and kid friendly paint the Natura line and I got started.  I've read so many great reviews about the Natura line because it is zero VOC and I can feel good about it in my home with my daughter. I can't wait to get things finished up.  I'm a believer that you have to make a home your own and paint is the first step in doing so! 

Most of our main living area was painted a pastel colored mint green.  The previous owner made it look great as her style was more county inspired with quilts and such around.  My style is more of a vintage-modern mix... if that makes sense and pastel anything just doesn't mesh well.  We've (meaning me, as Berdaddy is color blind) chose to go with dry sage with buttercup as accent walls in the dinning room.  We also got some fun chalk board paint for a wall between the two rooms... we are all so excited for that to get finished I think the most.  Of course this isn't as environmentally friendly and is going to require us to sand off the texture but I know Button is going to just love coloring this winter next to her Momma.

Getting completely finished will be a slow process as one of us is on baby duty while the other paints or tapes... and since I'm in school, working and, and, and... you get the idea but it's a start!

 

Here is the dinning room just before I started.

Attack of the Mommy Guilt Monster

I never could have imagined how difficult it would be to become a mother... or should I say to become the mother I expect myself to be.  After two years of trying to become a mother I learned so much and had so many ideas on what I would do as a mother.  In many ways I'm so very grateful for that difficult period in my life as it gave me the time to find my path in the parenting world.  I learned about gentle parenting, about midwives and natural living.  God certainly had a plan for me and now I count myself as one lucky woman.

Then, I had my beautiful baby girl and I took a year off of school to be with my sweet angel.  In that year, we shared both laughs and tears together. We sold the home Berdaddy and I bought in the city and moved to our new and more spacious family home in a beautiful town in the country.  Our forever home, if you will.  I grew my photography business by leaps and bounds in that year, capturing weddings, and families while Berdaddy bonded with his baby girl. It wasn't always peaches and cream but we did it together, we did it as a family.  And just as I was getting the hang of our new life and just as the dust was starting to settle in our new home, August came.  And with it, Button turned one and one week later I was back to school.  Our little cocoon time as a family was over.  Now, I feel like an over scheduled pack mule schlepping around with school bags, diaper bags and photo bags.  How did things change so quickly, it's as if we've been hit by a never ending tornado and yet we need to weather this storm.

With only one year left graduation is just around the corner.  And despite all of the upheaval, it's my passion... I want Button to realize that it is important to follow your dreams, see things through and all those other wonderful ideals we all wish for our children.  And I've been given an amazing opportunity to show her first hand that hard work pays off in the end, and that a little sacrifice is good for the soul. I've been given an amazing gift from my cousin to take Button while I'm in school.  She has three young children of her own on a huge farm in the town between me and my school.  And she is doing it out of the goodness of her heart.  Button is with her for only a few hours each week as Berdaddy is able to go and get her shortly after I drop her off.  So I know she is being well cared for, no doubt and many working mothers would jump at this opportunity.  I am thankful, I am.

The problem is the whole idea of schlepping her around not having a set rhythm do to the demands of my assignments and work load.  I hate not being with her all the time.  I hate that she is rushed and hurried... I hate that I get frustrated with my lack of time to get assignments finished and get frustrated with her when she is being clingy.  I have all these grand ideas of projects I want to get done around my house, activities I want to play with Button and so on...

The guilt is overwhelming at times.  I don't know how I'm going to get through this year in one piece but, I can and I will.

I need to sit down and really listen to my inner voice and set priorities and take control of the time I do have with my baby girl.  I need to enjoy my moments with her around the breakfast table and her sweet babbling when she chases the dog... and enjoy watching her 'talking' and rough housing with her cousins when I drop her off before heading off to class. 

I also need to be forgiving of myself and stop letting the Mommy Guilt Monster beat me down.

A photo shoot for Taliesin

For my first assignment in my commercial photography class we students had the wonderful opportunity to spend the day shooting Taliesin.  Taliesin was the Wisconsin home designed by Frank Lloyd Wright he spent his summers here.  The home has some seedy and  interesting history connected to it, complete with murder and adultery.

It is also the location of the design school created by FLW as well.  The keepers of Taliesin don't allow anyone to photograph this amazing location and keep a very tight hold on the images released.  I can't tell you how honored I am to have had this amazing opportunity as a photography student when many, many famous photographers offer their services for free and get turned away.  To sweeten this amazing opportunity further,  each student was tasked with providing three edited images that the Taliesin group can use however they see fit.  Be it website photo's, images for their quarterly magazine, postcards or for promoting their big 100 year celebration next summer.  While we won't be paid for our work we will be credited when and if they choose to publish our photo's.  I can only cross my fingers that one of my photo's is chosen in the coming months or years.  Such a credit will be an amazing honor and portfolio show piece!

It was so very difficult for me to choose my three shots. In deciding I had a few very important points to keep in mind.

1. In every single aspect of my life I am the least competitive person you will ever meet... but then there is photography and I'm almost ruthless in wanting to be the best.  So of course I needed to turn in shots that no other student in my class thought of.  That limited me in that I stayed far away from areas I felt were over shot.

2. The sky was dreary and I had to drop in sky's to all three shots.

So with out further ado, I give you my Taliesin Project in completion.

Can you even believe not on other student took a photo of the catwalk?!?  Shocked and amazingly please that I got to use this shot.  

This is the very back area of the house proper.  Not a typical shot of Taliesin for sure but I'm hoping it still captures FLW's style.

This is a part of the farm that is located at Taliesin.

Labor Day Cliche!!!

This year for Labor Day I demanded that Berdaddy and I plan a fun get away for the family to a destination close by that didn't involve a tent.  Don't get me wrong, I lurrrv to go camping, start a fire, hike in the wild out doors and gaze up at the big star covered sky.  But as our little Button is only 12 months I thought it best to find something a little more civilized and a toilet that flushes.

So I scoured the internet for deals and steals and ended up finding a great deal at the Copa Cabana in Wisconsin Dells, the midwest water park capital.  Granted, going to the Dells is probably the most cheesy and cliche vacation any Wisconsinite will go on but hey, my kid likes to splash in a good water park too and so it was settled we were off to the land of Tommy Bartlett and Noah's Ark.  I also twisted my cousin's arm into bring her family along for the Labor Day fun as well.  I can't tell you how I looked forward to this little get away in the days leading up to it.  I could barely contain my excitement at the idea of paying too much for food and attractions but by golly, it has been years since I've been a proper tourist and I was chomping at the bit.

In the three days we were there we did it all! We over paid for so-so food, and about chocked at the cost to get into Storybook Gardens.  On the other hand we had an amazing mexican feast at Mexicali Rose and once inside Storybook Gardens there was so much to see and do, a toddlers dream realized for sure.  I can't wait to take Button back when she is a bit older and able to climb all over the fun toys and explore the cute doll houses.

The weather was a bit on the cool side, making me extra thankful I booked a hotel with a nice indoor water park as well.  But my cousin's boys would not let the freezing cold water hold them back from exploring that cool pirate ship.  Notice we are the only people out side!

Our New Addition to the Family

No, I'm not pregnant!  When we were house hunting Berdaddy and I each had our list of must have's for our new forever home.

My list:

A dish washer

A separate kitchen from the dinning room... (I like to eat without looking at the mess of the dinner prep.)

Something with character

3 bedrooms

Walkable neighborhood

A place for my Grandmother's China Hutch

Berdaddy's List:

A garage

A place to put a TV that isn't in our main living space

Not too much fix-it type work

A place for his ping-pong table

Happily we were able to find a home we both adore and met all of our needs.  After 5 years of having our ping-pong table in storage we have logged many hours playing together in the months we've settled in.  Berdaddy likes to play so much that he recently purchased a ping-pong robot when he can't get me to join in...  Thank you Craigslist!

He plays so much I feel like we should be setting an additional space at the table for our new little robot.

Probably the second best purchase we've made all year!

He plays all hours of the night... 

Taking a few breaks for a drink thankfully! 

This time last year...

This time last year was filled with wishing, with sleepless nights, with swollen ankles, with anticipation, with fear and with thankfulness... this time last year I was preparing for the birth of my beautiful baby.  I didn't know then she was a she.  I didn't know then that my heart would grow and expand around my sweet angel and my life would never be what I imagined.

Yesterday we were lucky enough to attend our birth center's annual picnic and lucky for us the weather made it so we were able to go to the center itself... almost a year to the day of giving birth to my beautiful little girl.  I was so filled with emotion and so grateful to walk the halls of our beautiful birth center along with other gentle and like minded families.

We got to reconnect with our midwife who gave me so much strength and spirit during the hours and hours I spent urging my girl to breath.

Then the three of us quietly snuck into the room where our story changed from two to three.  Our girl was born in the late night in the darkness and warm glow of the bedroom light.  It was soft and peaceful all around.  And yet, I struggled and pushed with all my might in that room.  I had to draw strength from within I didn't ever imagine I had in me.  Me, my partner, my midwife and our birth assistants did it together...  on this bed...

...we welcomed her.

And that night we snuggled in that bed as a family and when she woke up and cried, I crept out of bed and rocked her.  Honestly, I was petrified... looking down at her I felt helpless and had no idea what I was going to do... but in those quiet moments that the two of us rocked in the darkness of the night I knew we were going to figure it out.  Me and my girl...

And we are.

Last year we took a photo that I'd been dreaming of for 40 weeks...

And this year we went back

Wordless Wednesday

Finding my rhythm - The notes from week 1

After a week of trying to navigate our daily lives I've compiled a good bit of notes.  Going into this, I didn't think we had much of a rhythm at all but I surprised even myself with the natural processes we have already established.  One big thing that wasn't surprising is that Button has a very wacky sleep schedule... much of it being my fault as we are have different plans and are bopping from here to there without regard for nap times.  I'm going to take a closer look at this in the coming week as I gather more information.  Anyway, I wanted to get these initial thoughts out of my head and into the land of blogs!

The big stuff
*Monday
-10:00 always go to Mom Group(topic of the week discussed)
-Sometimes head to lunch with other Mom's run errand's in town.
-Home around 3

*Tuesday
-Story time at 10:00

*Wednesday
-Story time at 10:00 (if I don't go on Tuesday)

*Thursday
-Day to stay home and clean

*Friday
-Visiting Day with family and friends

Morning routine:
-She wakes anywhere from 7am - 9:30am...   but mostly is up around 8am
-Change nappy
-Come downstairs... pour myself a cup of coffee... pop Button down by her toys and check work email for 10-15 mins.
-Button and I nibble on a bit of breakfast... (bagel and cream cheese, some Cheerios, or a zucchini muffin)
-Go outside with the pup, visit the tree, and welcome the new day
-Upstairs get new clothes and freshen up for the day

Evening routine:
-Berdaddy & I make dinner anywhere from 5:00 - 6:30
-Most evenings we take a family walk around town for at least 30 mins
-about 3 nights week Button gets a bath around 7:30pm
-stories in Button's room around 8
-nurse to sleep beginning at 8:30 - 9 depending on her level of sleepiness (takes about 20-30 mins for her to fall asleep)
-go downstairs and watch a show we DVR'ed, edit photo's or read
-If Button wakes up  I nurse her back to sleep each time until I'm ready to bring her to family bed around 10:30 or 11

This week I want to play with times that will work best for me to try to work, get general tasks down around the house and set up time for things that I want to do but never can... like craft, paint, organize...

Wordless Wednesday

I'm 100% positive that the Ergo was a creation handed to us directly from God.  I can hear the singing angels!!!

My home, My rhythm

                                              

I've been reading and learning about the Waldorf Philosophy a lot lately, in fact I'm on my way to the library right now to pick up some books I've got on hold and to go to our weekly story group.  There is so much that I love about Waldorf and yet there are also parts that don't really fit with our family as well... so I'm going to cherry pick parts of it and try to apply it to my life style.

Rhythm is such a huge part of Waldorf and life in general... yet, I'm not a very rhythmic person by nature.  I'm a fly by the seat of my pants... where ever the wind takes me... jump first think later kind of gal.  At times this free spirited nature of mine has gotten me in sticky messes and yet other times it's been my saving grace.  It's the part of me that compliments Berdaddy in our relationship the most.  He's more of the responsible one who has to remind me of reality when I'm ready to book tickets to tim-buck-two.  I love this part of me, it brings me light...  I don't really want to change this very essence of my being and yet, I also adore the idea of creating a comforting rhythm for my beautiful Button.  I'm also so very drawn to the rhythm of the Catholic Church.  One thing is for sure I need more spirituality in my day to day life... I need more prayer and reflection.  As a work at home momma, my patience is always being tested.  I never get the quite of an office to get my work done.  And let me tell  you how incredibly frustrating it is to be interrupted time after time when I'm having a very creative moment and want nothing more than to finish a photo project.  And in my moments of frustration nothing brings me more peace than prayer.  I want Button to grow up knowing just what it means to practice her faith on a daily basis and in order for that to happen I need to start modeling for her right now.

She is nearly a year and we don't really have a set rhythm set in place for anything.  I just read her signals and go with the flow.  We don't sleep train and I nurse her on demand. So far things have gone well.  We have both enjoyed learning from each other, I'd like to think.  But now, as we are crawling up on her first year of life, I can't help but crave a bit of freedom for myself and just maybe a little structure wouldn't hurt to help get me some.

Now I just need to figure out how to get myself to find my own rhythm and try to somewhat have a spiritual flow to our life together, it's got to be organic in origin if this is going to have any chance at success.   Only 3 short years ago, I found myself getting confirmed to the faith that I had left to the wayside for a number of years.  And yet, it is so hard to stay devoted for me... such an ebb and flow...  I'm so very drawn to the rhythm of the Catholic Church and I'm hoping to push the too ideas together and create my very own system!  Strengthening my faith along with my family life.

My Plan of Action

*Take notes on my normal days for one week and see if I have a natural rhythm I can work off of.

*Make a list of important spiritual events I want to incorporate in our life, pray daily

*Work off of my calendar

*don't flake out

*be gentle with myself 

If anyone has suggestions on establishing this rhythm of mine, I'm all ears!  Wish me luck... I'll keep ya posted.

The 12 Project: Month 1

This was our very first family photo, set up on the camera's self timer, at our new home.  Berdaddy and I were all dressed up for our second date night together since Button was born.  The first date night was spent at Hooter's... yeah, you read that right... A story for a different day. 

  Annnnyway, We walked to the local cinema cafe, saw the newest Twilight movie, and had a yummy veggie pizza.  The movie was cheesy as most date night movies tend to be. I loved that we ate a pizza and watched a movie all at the same time, I can see many date nights spent there in the future.  The best part of the whole night was holding hands the entire walk home... just the two of us.  Oh and I love listening to Berdaddy do his best Jacob impressions in an attempt to make fun of the movie. 

Ahem, "Bella, I love you and I know you love me too, I can feel it in my werewolf bones!" Not that funny? Well,  ya gotta know my hubby... truly, it's the date that keeps on giving!

This month has been spent settling into our new home, making it ours and exploring our new town. I've been neck deep in photography gigs and enjoying the summer heat.  Our new home is nice and airy and I can't tell you how wonderful the cross breeze has been for Button and I during the day.   Button spends her time trying to get my phone and into the dog's water bowl.

The 12 Project

I first saw this project featured on Sara's blog, Walk Slowly, Live Wildly earlier in the year. She was inspired by Tara Whitney. I just love how blogging has produced a beautiful spider web of connections between artists, momma's and poet's alike.

I always loved this idea and told myself that I would participate once I got my tail up in the land of blogs. Both Tara and Sara are photographers as am I... us photog Momma's find ourselves with many photo's of our children, friends, families, partners that we adore but often only a few where we are joined in. I love this intentional movement at capturing our moving and changing family for one year... so the mission as I understand it:

Take a photo of your family once a month.

Write a bit about that month.

Make it into a book at the end of the year.

Thank you both for your inspiration, I'm so excited to have a 12 project of my own! I'll post my June photo soon!

Bedtime with Button

One of the wonderful benefits in moving to a small town in the country is the quite and nature right outside our front door. We have many bunnies that hop around the neighborhood, a pair of beautiful cardinals that live across the street... the fire flies are abundant this time of year as well. It is so crazy to just hear the kind of quite where the gentle sounds of nature can seep back in. I never realized how noisy it was living in the city, I guess after so long my ears just didn't register the noise any more. I used to always have a radio playing in town to drown out the banging stereo's that sped past and the hustle and bustle of the highway a block away. But here I just love keeping everything off, hearing the wind whiz past, birds chirp and bugs buzz. It's been 10 years since I lived on a farm, back then I never thought I'd miss those country noises and I didn't until I came back. And praise God that I'm back!

For the past month, every night before we take Button up for bedtime we go outside and soak up the last of the wonderful day. We say good night to everything we see but her favorite is our wonderful Maple Tree. She kicks and points and uses her baby babble to urge me closer to it on our nightly ritual. As a child my Dad taught me all the different types of trees in our area and when we would take car trips he would point at trees and quiz me to pass time. I can't wait to teach Button all about trees and the great outdoors... I'm so looking forward to our many field trips with tote bags in hand ready for an adventure out in the wild and campfires and camping!

But until then, I'm happy bringing her five steps out the front door each night to say good night to our wonderful tree. It brings her so much joy. She pats it lovingly, reaches for it's leaves and tries to catch the ants crawling around it. I'm so proud of my little tree hugger!

Goodnight Tree and Goodnight Button!

30 before thirty

30 is only 5 months away and I've made the list... number 22 on my list was to start a blog so I've got at least one gone. I'm excited to share this list with the world. I'm really hoping to get most of these finished by the time I'm 30 but I'm willing to be reasonable with myself on a couple of them.

1. Make a quilt

2. Mend my soul from past hurts

3. Sew a dress for Button(done)

4. Get Berdaddy to agree to me getting Dreads... if I really want them(done)

5. Run a half marathon

6. Volunteer on a regular basis

7. Complete 30 random acts of kindness

8. Make a photo book & slideshow of Button's first year

9. Try Herring

10. Shoot a portfolio of photo's for my Dad's business

11. Learn the Rosary

12. Book tickets to Europe

13. Book a family photo session in the fall

14. Buy Cowboy boots

15. Go to a horse show with my Dad

16. Deal with our sock issue

17. Bake 5 new desserts

18. Surprise Berdaddy with a romantic meal

19. See a dermatologist and have a mole check

20. Organize my photo's on and off the computer

21. Shoot a gun

22. Start a blog(done)

23. Paint my living and dinning room

24. Finish Button's room

25. Take a CPR class

26. Establish a proper system of organization for my photography business

27. Read 30 books

28. take yoga

29. complain less... even in my head

30. Plant tulips

Keeping Gentle

I had a great childhood and was lucky in many, many ways but there is much that I want to change for my child and for my (God willing) future children. My parents came from families of 11 and 8 and a generation that struggled to make ends meet. A time when putting food on the table for such families was a real struggle. My Mother grew up with a father who was loving but was also an alcoholic. Sadly many of his children, including my Mother struggled with addiction in their adult lives. My Father's mother came to this country when she was 6 months old. She and my Grandfather worked incredibly hard and built a family farm. Parenting back then had a completely different set of rules, as did society, so I refuse to place judgement on their choices but instead I hope to learn from them.

My parents made a huge effort to stop the cycle of violence and for that I am beyond thankful. I have amazing memories of growing up on a beautiful farm playing dress up on the prairie, ice skating on our pond, riding horses... living a dream childhood in many ways. I am so grateful for the many gifts I was given by my parents and now get to share with Button. I also remember my parents being angry and yelling. I remember being fearful of them at times... and I remember how much addiction ruled them. My Mom has been gone for a nearly 4 years. I miss her so much it hurts, she was my best friend. She never got to meet her granddaughter and now I'm left to forge this path of Motherhood on my own. I'm left wondering about her choices as a parent and I have so many questions for her that are left open ended. I wonder if I would ask her these questions if she were here or if it would be something I'd avoid so not to cause conflict.

I have promised myself that things would be different for my children and now as my daughter is nearing toddlerhood when emotions run high and my patience is tested at every step and every new skill, I wonder how exactly I will do this. How am I going to practice something that I have very little knowledge of? I've done so much reading on gentle parenting... and gosh does it speak to the very fibers of soul. This is the path I want to take in my journey as a mother and as a wife, friend, person. I want to be the gentle mother many you are. I've followed many of your blogs and am in complete awe of the gentle spirit that seems to come so naturally to you.

On my own I've found ways that help me keep centered. Prayer has helped me so much in moments of frustration the most. A few Hail Mary's really seem to bring things into perspective. But still, I can do better. I can be better! If anyone out in blog world is listening I'm all ears... How do you keep gentle?

Button's Birthday Celebration

I have been dreaming for years about my child's first birthday celebration but in every dream I never could have imagined how in wonderful it was really going to be. It was a hot summer day, I believe it go in the 90's but we were blessed with a wonderful shade tree and a nice breeze. The day zoomed passed and I stuck to my goal of not sweating the small stuff nicely. I have to set goals like that for myself or I tend to focus on silly things like a timeline and a messy floor... It was important to me to have the party be homemade and simple. Budget is a huge consideration in our family and so is waste. Everything besides the balloons, Berdaddy couldn't help himself at the grocery store the morning of the party, can be used again. Berdaddy melted into a big old puddle of love when Button pointed and gushed over her balloons the whole morning... I'm hoping the earth will forgive us.

Although we were sick last week, I was able to finish the dresses and also sew together a pendant banner with all of the left over fabric. I'm so glad I will be able to bring this out year after year for Button's birthday celebration.

The girls looked adorable in their birthday finest. The hats are also re-useable, made of cardboard and decorated with felt.

A closer look of the banner and the wall hanging.

Berdaddy, helped with the girls before the party started while us momma's set up for the guests.... Little Button is so cute peaking out from her daddy's back.

We wanted to have a menu of pure summer food that was all homemade. I'm so lucky to have a crafty husband who enjoys spending time in the kitchen!

Berdaddy's homemade blackbean burgers on the grill

chilled pesto pasta salad, with homemade pesto

smoked potato salad

guac and salsa ~ Berdaddy's specialty

sweet corn

fresh fruit

and a cheese tray from our local cheese shop

Oh and my biggest splurge was our cake tin from William Sonoma.

We set up a sprinkler and a small pool for the children and adults to run through to cool down. It was a hit.

We were so blessed with friends and family. They brought Button and Star beautiful gifts of clothing and toys. And to their credit many of them who have never heard of Waldorf or TV free did their very best to get us wholesome, open ended toys. Only one aunt got us a talking pot set... and well, I think that's pretty darn good. Plus it is rather funny.

Of course I missed my Mom being there, it's hard not to notice her absence on big milestones like a first birthday. My Dad came and did his best to represent her laughter and spirit. He had some Amish friends make an a play outfit for each of the girls because when us Momma's were little we played in them everyday. And he was able to resist getting Button a pony for her first birthday so that is reason alone to count this milestone as a victory! Not holding my breath for birthday number 2...

It was an amazing day, filled with love and laughter, honestly it ranks up there with one of the best parties of my life.

Button's Birthday Preparation

Button will be turning 1 year in a month but being a photographer my free weekends are very limited so her birthday party will be this weekend. It's a joint first birthday party with her cousin. Of course I had big plans and ideas and of course we all got hit with a terrible cold the beginning of this week... and of course I find myself way, way behind schedule on said grand birthday plans.

We moved from our tiny home in the city to a much bigger space in a much smaller town in the country just one month ago. Maybe I was a little crazy to plan a party so soon after the move and right in the middle of my busiest time of year. But, I couldn't help myself, having space for family was most of the reason for our move to the county. This is the very first time since we've been married that we have been able to have my very large family over all at the same time. After all these years of mentally preparing for my turn to play hostess my chance is here.

Naturally, I am feeling the need for everything to be just so... and naturally, things are not as I've hoped them to be. The walls need painting, the rooms need decorating, the closets need organizing, my sewing projects are only half complete... yadda, yadda, yadda. I wonder if every women suffers in the plague that is the half completed list before hosting an event? I can't be alone, I just can't. Having all of these projects unfinished are going to make me and me alone a little frustrated. It's hard to not want everything to be perfect, I'm proud of our home and I want my family to feel welcome and love our new space as much as I do. Of course no matter what the state of things are my family will be happy for us in our new space, and happy for Button and won't glance at the empty walls and chipped paint. They won't look in my sewing cabinet to see the cut patterns and big unfinished ideas. Well at least, I hope they won't and for that I am grateful.

A year ago, I would have let these small things drive me up the wall but becoming a Mother has made me realize that this unfinished part of life is going to be my new reality and I could fight it tooth and nail and be miserable and make everyone else miserable in my wake or I could accept my new fate. Find joy in the process even if that means a half crossed off list. So for now I will leave you with a photo of my dress for Button finished and the dress I made for Star... half finished... my needle broke and wouldn't you know I can't find my last sewing box and need to go to town to get another...

Jumping in with both feet.

I've been an avid follower of blogs for the past 5 years now. I love the blogging world and have often contemplated joining in but always being intimidated by the work involved and time to get things up and running but today, is different. Today I'm going to jump in and just do it without thinking. I've been wanting a place to get out my thoughts, my struggles, and my dreams... I need a place to get my journey as a wife and mother finding my way with so so many choices and so many forces pulling me in different directions.

This is my place to write about my experiences trying to be the best mother I can be... so my intentions are here and I've taken the first step... now where this will lead is up to me and the universe.