This time last year...

This time last year was filled with wishing, with sleepless nights, with swollen ankles, with anticipation, with fear and with thankfulness... this time last year I was preparing for the birth of my beautiful baby.  I didn't know then she was a she.  I didn't know then that my heart would grow and expand around my sweet angel and my life would never be what I imagined.

Yesterday we were lucky enough to attend our birth center's annual picnic and lucky for us the weather made it so we were able to go to the center itself... almost a year to the day of giving birth to my beautiful little girl.  I was so filled with emotion and so grateful to walk the halls of our beautiful birth center along with other gentle and like minded families.

We got to reconnect with our midwife who gave me so much strength and spirit during the hours and hours I spent urging my girl to breath.

Then the three of us quietly snuck into the room where our story changed from two to three.  Our girl was born in the late night in the darkness and warm glow of the bedroom light.  It was soft and peaceful all around.  And yet, I struggled and pushed with all my might in that room.  I had to draw strength from within I didn't ever imagine I had in me.  Me, my partner, my midwife and our birth assistants did it together...  on this bed...

...we welcomed her.

And that night we snuggled in that bed as a family and when she woke up and cried, I crept out of bed and rocked her.  Honestly, I was petrified... looking down at her I felt helpless and had no idea what I was going to do... but in those quiet moments that the two of us rocked in the darkness of the night I knew we were going to figure it out.  Me and my girl...

And we are.

Last year we took a photo that I'd been dreaming of for 40 weeks...

And this year we went back

Button's Birthday Celebration

I have been dreaming for years about my child's first birthday celebration but in every dream I never could have imagined how in wonderful it was really going to be. It was a hot summer day, I believe it go in the 90's but we were blessed with a wonderful shade tree and a nice breeze. The day zoomed passed and I stuck to my goal of not sweating the small stuff nicely. I have to set goals like that for myself or I tend to focus on silly things like a timeline and a messy floor... It was important to me to have the party be homemade and simple. Budget is a huge consideration in our family and so is waste. Everything besides the balloons, Berdaddy couldn't help himself at the grocery store the morning of the party, can be used again. Berdaddy melted into a big old puddle of love when Button pointed and gushed over her balloons the whole morning... I'm hoping the earth will forgive us.

Although we were sick last week, I was able to finish the dresses and also sew together a pendant banner with all of the left over fabric. I'm so glad I will be able to bring this out year after year for Button's birthday celebration.

The girls looked adorable in their birthday finest. The hats are also re-useable, made of cardboard and decorated with felt.

A closer look of the banner and the wall hanging.

Berdaddy, helped with the girls before the party started while us momma's set up for the guests.... Little Button is so cute peaking out from her daddy's back.

We wanted to have a menu of pure summer food that was all homemade. I'm so lucky to have a crafty husband who enjoys spending time in the kitchen!

Berdaddy's homemade blackbean burgers on the grill

chilled pesto pasta salad, with homemade pesto

smoked potato salad

guac and salsa ~ Berdaddy's specialty

sweet corn

fresh fruit

and a cheese tray from our local cheese shop

Oh and my biggest splurge was our cake tin from William Sonoma.

We set up a sprinkler and a small pool for the children and adults to run through to cool down. It was a hit.

We were so blessed with friends and family. They brought Button and Star beautiful gifts of clothing and toys. And to their credit many of them who have never heard of Waldorf or TV free did their very best to get us wholesome, open ended toys. Only one aunt got us a talking pot set... and well, I think that's pretty darn good. Plus it is rather funny.

Of course I missed my Mom being there, it's hard not to notice her absence on big milestones like a first birthday. My Dad came and did his best to represent her laughter and spirit. He had some Amish friends make an a play outfit for each of the girls because when us Momma's were little we played in them everyday. And he was able to resist getting Button a pony for her first birthday so that is reason alone to count this milestone as a victory! Not holding my breath for birthday number 2...

It was an amazing day, filled with love and laughter, honestly it ranks up there with one of the best parties of my life.

Button's Birthday Preparation

Button will be turning 1 year in a month but being a photographer my free weekends are very limited so her birthday party will be this weekend. It's a joint first birthday party with her cousin. Of course I had big plans and ideas and of course we all got hit with a terrible cold the beginning of this week... and of course I find myself way, way behind schedule on said grand birthday plans.

We moved from our tiny home in the city to a much bigger space in a much smaller town in the country just one month ago. Maybe I was a little crazy to plan a party so soon after the move and right in the middle of my busiest time of year. But, I couldn't help myself, having space for family was most of the reason for our move to the county. This is the very first time since we've been married that we have been able to have my very large family over all at the same time. After all these years of mentally preparing for my turn to play hostess my chance is here.

Naturally, I am feeling the need for everything to be just so... and naturally, things are not as I've hoped them to be. The walls need painting, the rooms need decorating, the closets need organizing, my sewing projects are only half complete... yadda, yadda, yadda. I wonder if every women suffers in the plague that is the half completed list before hosting an event? I can't be alone, I just can't. Having all of these projects unfinished are going to make me and me alone a little frustrated. It's hard to not want everything to be perfect, I'm proud of our home and I want my family to feel welcome and love our new space as much as I do. Of course no matter what the state of things are my family will be happy for us in our new space, and happy for Button and won't glance at the empty walls and chipped paint. They won't look in my sewing cabinet to see the cut patterns and big unfinished ideas. Well at least, I hope they won't and for that I am grateful.

A year ago, I would have let these small things drive me up the wall but becoming a Mother has made me realize that this unfinished part of life is going to be my new reality and I could fight it tooth and nail and be miserable and make everyone else miserable in my wake or I could accept my new fate. Find joy in the process even if that means a half crossed off list. So for now I will leave you with a photo of my dress for Button finished and the dress I made for Star... half finished... my needle broke and wouldn't you know I can't find my last sewing box and need to go to town to get another...